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Okay, so it may not change your life, but it
may give you a nice chuckle. Just As I Am follows the stories of the two main characters
from Invisible Life, Raymond, a young black lawyer wrestling with his sexuality and the
reality of AIDS, and Nicole, a novice singer/actress and Raymond’s former girlfriend.
Setbacks and failures in her personal and professional life don’t stop Nicole from
continuing to search for a healthy love relationship. Other characters that appear from
the first novel are football player, John “Basil” Henderson and Raymond’s
best friend, Kyle.
I first began reading this book in 1994 while working as a librarian in Ohio. I sat at the
reference desk, alternately helping patrons and reading and laughing my way through the
novel like a mad man. I left half of it unread, because I wasn’t compelled to read
any further. Here's why.
Raymond has to be the wishy-washiest character in the history of literature. He ponders,
he whines, he bemoans his fate as a bisexual man leaning towards a gay lifestyle, but I
gave up after a few chapters. I just wanted to shake him and say, “Make a DECISION or
DON’T MAKE A DECISION, JUST STOP WHINING!” After Kyle and Raymond talk to a
happy heterosexual couple over the phone, a particularly annoying exchange between the two
men got my dander up.
“Ray, do you think our lives will ever be that happy?” Kyle asked with a
melancholy edge in his voice.
“Yeah, buddy. One day. One day very soon,” [Raymond] assured him.
“You promise?” Kyle asked with the innocent voice of a child.
“I promise.”
I couldn’t help but saying these lines in a cartoon mouse voice and then with again
with a southern drawl, topping it all off with a verse of, “the sun will come out
tomorrow…”
It’s dangerous to romanticize gay/bisexual culture, particularly involving matters of
the heart simply because we’re essentially all in the same boat. People are great and
horrible, we love, hurt, live and die. Harris writes about these men as if you’re
supposed to feel sorry for them, and curiously enough, they are terribly unappealing.
What’s a critic to do?
The best thing about Just As I Am is that Nicole and Raymond are in therapy. Both are in
serious need. Those few chapters alone make up for all the artificial dialogue and the
boring lives that the characters lead. Guess even good-looking, jet set, highly talented
and successful black people have sad times too. Everyone except me, of course.
M
April 2001 |
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